


I forgive you, Innie

by PotterHeadHGDM



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Chan thought he could fix glass, Chan's PoV, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Sad Ending, Suicide, This Is Sad, dw chan doesnt die, im sorry, sequel to im sorry channie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 02:43:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20846222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotterHeadHGDM/pseuds/PotterHeadHGDM
Summary: A soldier.That’s what Chan thought he was, his mom would always tell him that, anyway.Someone so selfless and kind, someone who always fought for others with the knowledge that he was risking so much for himself, someone who was there to protect and make others safe.// a sequel to I'm Sorry Channie, if you havent read that, read it first





	I forgive you, Innie

**Author's Note:**

> as i already said in the summary, this is a sequel to I'm sorry channie, basically the same story but from Chan's POV  
i'm sorry i didnt post last night it was my sister's bday, take some short angst to quench your thirst

A soldier.

That’s what Chan thought he was, his mom would always tell him that, anyway.

Someone so selfless and kind, someone who always fought for others with the knowledge that he was risking so much for himself, someone who was there to protect and make others safe.

Someone who could fix things that were broken, someone who could water and groom wilted flowers that sat alone in the garden, someone who could brush the dust from books and read them until he could recite the words without script.

But most importantly,

Chan thought he was someone who could fix glass.

It was a hard process, he knew that.

Glue wouldn’t work nor tape , there was only one process that could ever mend glass after it had been broken, and that was to melt and remould the glass into a new form.

It seemed easy enough, but, as things that seemed easy usually were, it was exceedingly difficult.

You see, Jeongin didn’t seem to want Chan’s help, he pushed him away and ran and hid, all the things people say you aren’t supposed to do when faced with a problem.

So, Chan worked harder, he showered the boy in love and affection and hoped and prayed that somehow, someday Jeongin would wake up and see the world as Chan did, his past traumas going out the window when he looked Chan in the face.

Chan wished that Jeongin would finally say he loved him.

The walls his boyfriend had up were so strong, so impenetrable that even Chan, the only person Jeongin knew he could trust, who was there for him and cared for him, couldn’t get through.

Maybe it was because the walls didn’t have a door, leaving the only way in through force.

Despite wanting to try, Chan could never force Jeongin to tell his truth, to show who he really was or to give in to Chan, to let him in when he wasn’t ready.

Chan could wait.

However, as months turned into years, Chan wondered if Jeongin would ever be ready to let him in, to allow him to see him as he was and to finally, finally understand what was happening so he could stop Jeongin from doing something that would hurt them both.

Chan treated Jeongin like he was a puzzle, deciding he would collect his pieces and put them together to make him better, to make him happy.

He hoped that if he pretended that was possible, Jeongin would believe it too.

Sadly, that isn’t how that went.

Jeongin thought Chan was naïve and dumb, not understanding his problems s and maybe he was right, maybe Chan was naïve and maybe he didn’t understand.

However, Chan didn’t think there was anything wrong with hoping that the world wasn’t as cruel as it seemed, as it was.

At some point, Jeongin got better, the memory was stashed in the back of his mind for whenever he was feeling down, to remember it happened once and if he tried hard enough it could happen again. The image of Jeongin smiling and kissing him with emotion, feeling, and, love…

The memory blurred at that, and one of much more depression would flood his mind.

Jeongin stopped taking his pills.

He believed he could be happy and he was wrong, Chan let him down, he had an episode and he wasn’t okay, he was hurt and tired and sad and he didn’t know where the pain was coming from and Chan knew, he knew he wasn’t any help, and he wished nothing more than to be.

After that, Jeongin was never the same.

He rarely smiled and Chan thought it was because he didn’t want to risk even being slightly happy, he thought Jeongin thought people like him couldn’t be happy.

For the first time in Chan’s life, he wondered if maybe Jeongin was right.

Maybe he wasn’t supposed to get better, maybe Chans help wasn’t help at all, maybe he was only pushing him closer and closer to the edge that was he was bound to fall over at some point and that fact scared the so called ‘soldier.’

Despite this new-found knowledge, Chan continued to try. Making sure he always showed Jeongin love, hope flushing through his veins every single day that he could prevent what they both knew was coming, that he could fix glass without having to remould it, that he could save his boyfriend and grow old with him and make a family with him.

Hope, is a silly thing.

Chan opened the door to the roof, the only place he hadn’t looked for Jeongin, the boy wasn’t in their apartment and he was worried.

A figure was stood at the edge, something clutched in their hand tightly, and Chan recognised the voice, his beautiful lover’s voice as he spoke to himself, not realising the man he spoke about was there.

“I’m sorry Channie.”

Chan wanted to scream, he wanted to cry for the teen and rush to his side and tell him to stop and that he was worth everything.

But as Jeongin’s body fell to the ground, no words could escape Chans throat.

In hindsight, even if Chan was to stop him, deep down he knew it wouldn’t have been ‘stopping him’, but merely delaying it, delaying it until a time where Chan wasn’t there.

It was too late now, anyway.

Chan crouched next to Jeongin’s limp body, the angelic boy’s eyes were closed and face relaxed, as if asleep, and Chan had never seen him so calm.

Tears wanted to form in the Australian’s eyes, and fall down his face, he wanted to sob and wail and punch a wall and yell at Jeongin for hurting him but he couldn’t.

His face remained dry and his mouth spoke no words nor yells as he took the boys hand into his own, feeling the last of his warmth disappear into coldness, his pulse completely slowing to a stop in Chan’s hand.

At that moment, Chan spoke only four words, he wasn’t sure if he meant them, or if he even wanted to say them, but he knew, if Jeongin was looking down on him, they were the words he would’ve wanted to hear.

“I forgive you, Innie.”

Chan wondered if Jeongin could even hear him from wherever he was now.


End file.
